The one thing most of us do that is making our mental health worse.

It is in our human nature to try to avoid pain and distress, why wouldn’t we? But the sheer effort to try avoiding unwanted emotions due to them causing pain, distress or suffering, can, in most cases, be the very thing that is making them worse.

We all have both our conscious and unconscious ways of trying to eliminate psychological pain and suffering. Some of the common escapes are distraction, drugs and alcohol, busy schedules, overworking, watching tv, binge-eating, and many many more. It is important to preface that these methods are not always harmful or negative, but most effective in moderation.

It is a common desire for people to seek control over their emotions in an attempt to combat the unwanted thoughts and emotions. Regardless of us logically knowing this is not possible, we do on some level attempt to continue carrying out these methods in order to feel better in the short-term. And that’s what these methods are, short term relief.

I want to orient you to the term, creative hopelessness, derived from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Creative hopelessness is a state we can often find ourselves in if we get to a point where we have tried to control our emotions before, and maybe they did help relieve some pain short-term, but when these methods do not seem to work we begin to feel hopeless in the situation, when our usual methods do not prove effective.

Often people seek psychological support with the aim to “feel less anxious” “feel happier” and the list goes on, essentially they do not want to experience these unwanted emotive states. This overarching fear and desire to avoid these emotions can amplify them when they do arise. There are many instances, particularly from a trauma perspective, where experiencing distressing emotions can be terrifying and have detrimental impacts to ones nervous system. This will always be slightly different to clients who simply desire not feeling sad, not feeling lonely, and wanting to feel more positive emotions due to them being more desirable.

Let’s say anxiety shows up for you, I’m sure we can all relate to a time where we have felt annoyed, disappointed, flat, and even more anxious due to this. Essentially, it can make the original anxiety (or other emotion) we felt, double the size with the secondary thoughts and emotions we apply to it. When the emotion has showed up, we have essentilly struggled with it. Ideally, dropping this struggle and resistance can allow the original emotion to remain in the absence of any additional distress.

We do have the capability of influencing (not controlling) our emotions, for example, we have the capacity to do things we know can help us to feel better, however we cannot get stuck in the illusion that we can control them entirely.

This is a normal process and desire we all have, so it’s important not to don’t judge this method if it is something that’s strongly resonating. However, it is something to keep reminding ourselves of when we catch ourselves in this way of thinking. Hopefully by noticing this, it can help to adapt and reframe our thoughts to a more helpful approach that essentially will not leave us feeling even worse.